My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
