The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
