K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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