Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
whose parrot is this?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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