Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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