Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
