She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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