people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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