there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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