you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
