I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
