omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
