Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
True but thats because hes a fetus.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
