I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
