Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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