I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
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I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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