ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
