I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
