I cannot find my penis.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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