Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Randomize
