The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
