Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
