after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
tell me about the fingering
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