remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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