at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
