Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
