Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
