I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
