you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize