Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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