He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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