It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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