we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
They have beer where we have blood.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
