New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
