Soap is not a condiment
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We named our party play list daddy issues
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
