I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Buhtt sex?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
