I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
