the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
