she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
