Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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