My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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