so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
