I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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