She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
