you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Green mimosas i think yes
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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