I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
