Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
