So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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