My sheets look like a crime scene.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
