I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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