So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
