Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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