shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
