last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
