Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
