My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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