Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
