We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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