i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
