I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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