wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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