i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
