So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
