If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
