Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
