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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Are my feet made of real feet?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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