just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
