remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
