i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do vagina's smell?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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