omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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