Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
