I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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