Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
