Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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