did you get engaged???
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
