I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
