Small penises have feelings too.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
