well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
