Grow some girl-balls and come out already
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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