you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize